4 Ways To Seek Safety From Others' Anger

Hey there, it's steve again. Thanks for joining me for this week's podcast. I hope your week is going well. You know, I wanted to share with something with you before we get started here. I was having a conversation with one of my spiritual mentors the other day yesterday and we were talking about slowing down the pace of things and that's something I've been working on lately. I found myself very busy, very passionate about some things I'm working on and I'm having fun but slowing down the pace of play for me along with practicing gratitude gives me the opportunity to have more clarity to be able to do that. I've learned I need to make time for that. So I just wanted to share that with you before we delve in here. The last podcast I talked about ways to deal with our own anger when things come up for us. We feel like we're gonna lose control again. It's okay to be angry, to feel angry, very normal. It's very human. It's not okay to lash out and act out. Which many of us I would believe have done that in some way, shape or form, including me and I talked about that the last time. Now let's talk a little bit about what happens when other people become angry and what I want to talk about today are some ways, four ways not only to deal with the anger, but to put ourselves in a position in terms of how to deal with it, but to not be there when it happens to protect ourselves, to seek safety because unfortunately in this world, sometimes we really feel and we feel it physically that we're in danger, we could feel physically threatened, emotionally threatened, spiritually threatened. And I've been in that position multiple times many times in the past. So I wanna, I wanna share with you today is some things that I've been working on in the past and still do today, that not only helped me deal with it when it's real time, and I'll give you a thought at the end in terms of this is something that's happening and recurring in your life because it's easy to say, oh, you feel like you're in physical danger to leave to call somebody when it's real time and it's on And I felt physically threatened before I know what happened to me, I froze, I didn't know what to do. And eventually because of that feeling of being threatened, I got angry. So, what I want to talk about a lot is for those of you who really feel threatened at times, let's talk about how we can not be there. We've talked about boundaries in the past. I'm gonna talk about that again today. So, before I get into the four ways I want you to think about this and I encourage you to anger in my mind is something that I believe is fear based. You know, why do we get angry? I talked about that a little bit in the last podcast. So I've got a few things jotted down here. I want to share with you. So the reason I'm sharing this with you is to help put it in perspective. I I think in terms of when you're in a cycle and a pattern with somebody else that's getting angry with you, they have a short fuse and you're feeling threatened and it feels unhealthy. And when we try to own this stuff, we know what happens. We suffer when we try to own other people's stuff, we end up suffering. So again, I'm gonna give you some ways to detach and not own this crap. So again, I believe anger is fear based. It can be, the other person is afraid to lose you or something that they feel is important, an opportunity, something they feel they're entitled to, that they feel they've earned that they deserve. That leads me to the next one. Maybe what they're really afraid of is to try, they're afraid to fail. I can relate to that one. It takes courage to go for what we want to, what we dream about. I put a quote out there the other day, act as if you aren't afraid, then go do it. I paraphrase that a little bit. So some people are afraid, some people don't have the capacity to be honest about what's going on for them, what's coming up for them? You ever heard somebody in anger say, hey, I just need you to listen to me right now. I mean that's kind of threatening. I think they're trying to control and manipulate the conversation. That's an attempt, I believe. And maybe the problem with that is you listen to them. We listen. But they have an expectation. They say, I don't want you to do anything. Just listen to me. But they still have an expectation that we're supposed to be able to read their minds and do something for them, but they won't tell us. So sometimes people just have the capacity or the, they don't have the capacity to be real honest about what's going on and what they're afraid of. Sometimes it's shame you've heard me talk about this one. We feel we're not enough. We feel hopeless, helpless. Sometimes people are projecting their passed on to us, We've done nothing wrong. We've crossed paths with this person for the first time or the second time or the 1000th time and they continue to project. They get into making assumptions, they run with them. You notice that they hold grudges and they want revenge again. They think they deserve something. They're entitled, but they're afraid to go for they try to control us, manipulate us, threaten us physically emotionally spiritually. I mean they're getting in our litter box and kicking sand around and they're attacking us. They play the blame game. You did this to me. You make me feel this way? No, they can simply just say, hey this is what's coming up. This is what I'm feeling right now and if they do come at you in that way, I suggest you ask yourself a question, is this true? Am I really making this person feel this way Again? It's an inside job. So number one when you have time before your next interaction and maybe there won't be one after you here with here. What I have to say to share is this relationship with this person toxic. I talked about the toxicity just a few minutes ago for about five minutes here about their fear, their attempts to control and manipulate, projecting irrational thinking. That's a big one when someone's being illogical and there's not much logic being applied and you can't help them be logical and they're purely coming from the ego, We can't compete with that. It is a lose lose proposition. No good is going to come from that is this relationship these exchanges with this person useful next week, I'm gonna touch on that one because I've had some of you reach out to me and it's amazing when they say, hey, why is this still happening? Why do I feel this way? We're gonna touch on that next week again, slowing things down gives me clarity. Gratitude helps give me clarity. I'm gonna touch on that one. I'm gonna leave you hanging a little bit. So when we ask this question, is it useful? Is it toxic? Have I set my boundaries? If the answer is yes, will they be respected, toxic people play the victims? They blame their illogical. So if the answer is no, I haven't set my boundaries. We need to go back and take some time and think about that. The answer is yes. For today, let's say yes, will they be respected? Is the next question what I'm getting at here is is this gonna be another download, illogical, toxic download? A repeat performance? The second part. The second idea is either before or during. I'm gonna talk about that a little bit because this is when it's real time. What's coming up for me? When I think about meeting with this person again, try to sit with it be still talk about it with someone else. The next question is, am I ready for this? Am I truly ready to meet with this person to engage them again? Because if physically you're feeling things and we feel we feel fear physically. I think you have your answer number three pause that goes back to the first to give yourself time before you meet with this person pause, take a time out. And if you're not feeling physically threatened, you can still move away, move away from it. And that's what I'll wrap up with is a suggestion. Things that I've used in the past, give yourself time to prepare. And if you feel it's toxic, it's going to be a repeat performance. This person has not demonstrated a capacity to be honest. They play the victim. They play the blame game again, it's gonna be a repeat performance. It's gonna be another download. I'm concerned. I'm afraid listen to it. Sometimes we just have to be the ones to protect us. And sometimes we need to listen to our friends when they say stay away. But steve I care for this person. Why do I still feel this way about them? They treat me like crap. When I have more time next week, I'm going to delve into that one and how we can get find the truth, find safety, get clarity to answer these questions and move on without passing judgment on ourselves and the other person or persons. That's freedom. That's inner peace. And it ties into this when this is happening. Please do not judge yourself. And if you need time to move away to find safety and others are just alone with your higher power to process this, do it please. Again, we want to prevent and not be there. When again, pardon my french, The ship hits the fan and it's going down again. And we're asking ourselves, how did I get here? It's happening again. And then we beat ourselves up. What did I do wrong? So we're talking about some preventive maintenance I think to a degree. The fourth thing which you've heard me talk about before. Self care. It's so important when we've either were in it or we're trying to move away from it and move on that we take care of ourselves as they say you do You self care. Self forgiveness for this, forgive yourself. It's okay when you have these feelings of I know I need to get away from this person, but I still care. You're human. It's okay to feel that way. It's okay to have feelings. What we're talking about here are boundaries and protection, our safety if you like to you need rest, peace, exercise a movie, a walk, a bike ride as you've heard the saying, I need to get some air, take that time for yourself. It's so important to deal with this stuff in a healthy way because unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I look at it is when things come back and I'm like, wait a minute I'm doing well, why is a similar situation coming up again? I believe the universe is saying, well you need to make sure you get it right because you didn't really deal with it the first time you need to go back and redo things and reset and rebuild, rebuild and there's more work to be done. So I've hit you with a lot here. Anger again. I believe is fear based. The other person is afraid of something. You may not be able to ask them, what are you afraid of? You know, because that may just, that's like throwing gasoline on the fire, But there's fear involved. Fear can be defined as frustration, ego, anxiety, resentment. Number one, Ask yourself, is this toxic? Is this useful? Have I set boundaries? Will they be respected? Number two, what's coming up for me? Am I ready for this? The answer is no, go to number three. Call time out, pause or move the hell away. Number four, take care of yourself. Self care is so huge on this journey. It is. I believe the key component, take care of yourself. So I'll leave you with this. Here's the thought you're in the moment. It's on again. It's real time. Here we go. We're feeling things. We might be freezing up a little bit. You could say to the other person, what can I do for you? Right this moment? Do you want me to let you get some rest? Do you need something to eat? Do you need some water or do you want me to let you vent for a few more minutes? That right there a few more minutes and pointing out that they're venting and we all need to vent a little bit. But hey, even a therapist gets to cut it off at about 5055 minutes with us, respect your boundaries, respect your time and put them on notice. Thanks again for listening. I hope you have an amazing rest of your week and weekend again next week we're gonna dive into uh more work on seeking safety from this, Getting answers to questions such as why, why is this happening again? Why do I still feel this way B well as always hang in there and I'll talk to you soon, Good luck, and God bless.